New Keys

The Lodge locks the door to the lobby for the night. We use a key card to buzz ourselves in. Theoretically, only tenants are supposed to get key cards. But there is reason to believe they've been passed along to friends and strangers.

Because of this problem, the manager changes the code and gives out new cards every 6 months.

2 Days Off In A Row

I've asked my boss not to do that again. Work makes it easier for me to get through the night.

I think I might see if there is another job out there for me. I need to do something with my time besides remembering how good it would feel to get drunk.

Why does my memory do this? Getting drunk doesn't feel good. Not when you are an alcoholic. The best I can say about taking a drink is that there is a sense of relief when you're an alcoholic. Drinking is what you do to get back up to that neutral line.

Imagine the underscore line is neutral normal feeling.


X (This is where I was as young man when I was drinking.)
_____________________

X (This is where I am now as an old man when I am not drinking.)

But my memory tells me I will feel better if I have a drink. I wonder if I will ever make it back to the neutral normal place sober.

I need to do more with my time so I can stay sober.

It's A Struggle Every Day

I almost had a drink last night.

Another Necessary Eviction

The gentleman (and I use the term sarcastically) is to be evicted next week. A judge found in favor of Elk's Lodge, and gave him 7 days to move his belongings. He bullied other residents and two of the Elk's Lodge volunteers. He vandalised his room, and rigged the southside stairwell doors to admit a violent non-resident who then attacked a resident.

An hour after His Honor's judgement this bully was at the Poverello Center telling his friends exactly how he intends to retaliate. He purchased Shellac and means to pour it down the toilets on the 2nd and 3rd floors.

Fortunately, one of my neighbors was there and heard every word. I don't know if this means he will be escorted from the premises today, but it at least means he is on notice from the police, and should anything happen he will be the primary suspect.

Back On The Clock

I went back to work last night was very happy to be doing something purposeful again.

I hit the rack when I came home but after 4 hours of sleep I just can't stay down. My clock is all messed up after sleeping nights at the hospital.

I'd take a walk but it's colder than a witch's rounded parts out there. Maybe I'll make do with a cup of coffee at Bernice's. I can take bus 6 over the bridge and I'll be 1 block from warm and toasty.

Creeping Crud

Three days and two nights at the Community Medical Center have left me exhausted. I got the flu, but I was too sick to realize how sick I had become.

A chest x-ray showed pneumonia. I am still coughing up some very ugly crud, but I am okay. They put an I. V. in my arm and poured antibiotics in me and yellow colored liquid from a plastic bag.

This morning I ate scrambled eggs and ham. It was very good for hospital food.

I lost 10 pounds. And I haven't shaved since last week. Now I look like a wizened old man.

I don't have any scuttlebutt on the 383. I'm still employed though. I talked to my boss yesterday and he said not to worry.

Reinforcements

The windows and the door to the balcony have been bolted shut. Meth addicts will not find their way onto our floor. The management has also hired security to patrol our hallways at night. They will make a walk through every hour.

And that low life that assaulted one of the ladies is put on notice. He will be evicted with the very next complaint from anyone for any reason. I read the notice on his door.

I am off duty tonight and my sponsor and I will be going out for tacos. El Cazador makes great tacos and enchiladas. He is trying to interest me in going back to school. He tells me it is never too late to learn.

911, Anyone?

A woman was assaulted on the 3rd floor last week in broad daylight. I am learning about it today. A young man living in room 315, came out of the Ladies Room, and hit her when he realized she took his picture as evidence.

She reported that he rushed her, and pushed her very hard while trying to grab her camera. She reported this to the management. A man who lives a few doors down tells me that management convinced her not to call the police. That they would take care of it.

The man who assaulted this woman still lives here. Is that how management took care of it?

Blue Socks

I bought new jeans last week and washed them up today. I washed them with my other dirty clothes that were mostly T shirts, socks, and briefs.

The dress shirts are fine. They don't seem to be bluer than before. But all of the underwear and my towels are light blue.

It is by the Grace of God that blue jeans do not come red.

Like thieves in the night

Two young men were caught sneaking in one of the windows in our hallway. This photograph was taken by one of my neighbors, a budding sleuth. She passed me 4, but this one says it all.

As she put it, "they are so busted."

She watched them use a key to enter room 316.

House Rules

I believe the events of Saturday may have had a sobering effect on management. It is possible they might now enforce the rules stipulated in their lease agreements. I woke a minute ago to the sound of a scraping on my door. I wasn't sure if somone was about to knock. I got up, and took a look in the hallway to find this list taped on all the doors.

Estrangement

My family wants as little to do with me as possible. And I don't blame them at all.

I am an alcoholic. I was drunk from 1960 till 2006. I've been sober for 2 years, 1 month, and 17 days.

I lost my wife to another man, and that didn't stop me drinking. Then my sons stopped speaking to me. And that didn't stop me drinking.

I didn't stop drinking till I was found passed out in the center lane on 24th Street in Billings.

Last Easter my sponsor helped me to affect a reconciliation with my sons. They accept my phone calls now, and we exchange niceties. But they haven't forgiven me and don't expect they will. I am not invited to their homes, and they won't accept my invitations to visit me here.

I hope time is on my side.

Stocking up

I have made food purchases:

24 packages Top Ramen Chicken
24 packages Top Ramen Oriental
1 bottle ketchup
1 jar mustard
1 jar Best Foods mayonnaise
1 package sliced cheese
2 packages bologna
1 gallon milk
1 jar instant coffee
1 loaf of bread
1 box Ritz crackers
2 cans of ravioli

I have 17 dollars of coffee money
till my next VA check, and all my bills are paid.

Food and entertainment

I've just finished supper. There is a kitchen and dining room on the first floor, and every Tuesday they serve supper from 5:30 till 7:00.

A woman sits at an upright piano on stage, and plays adequately, if a little too fortissimo.

The meal was 8 dollars, and with my generous entrée, I was allowed all the boiled coffee, salad, and rolls I wanted.

Moving off the streets

I live in a flop house on the third floor. My next door neighbor is an artist. My other next door neighbor is a laundry room.

There are other veterans living here. One is an attractive woman with long brown hair and a red wool coat.

I saw ink on her hands. It might be she is another artist. A flop house should have more than one. Or maybe she keeps an octopus. Pets aren't allowed.

I have room key and an electronic card for the door downstairs. No roommates allowed, and no guests are to come up the elevator without an escort. They checked my credit and looked for a police record. No felons allowed either.

I got a ticket for speeding in 1964. I was drunk but it was a different world back then. I was picked up for public drunkeness in 2006, but they took me to the hospital instead of lockup.